♠ Sunday, March 06, 2005

Couple of days ago, Keith & I had a really, er... funny? yeah, strange conversation in the MRT train. Looking at the cross that hung in front of my chest, he asked, 'Are you really going to stop going to church?'
'Huh? What? Why?' i asked with this surprised expression on my face. He never asked about my religion, so called religion.
no i couldn't see my face, but i assume i was looking like that since i was feeling surprised.
' No lah, coz Christians can only marry Christians mah... so if you are still going to church, then I'll come with you and convert too.'
'You're gonna convert??? For what???' i asked incredulously.
'Because i wanna marry you lar~' he replied in his shy, boyish tone.
My lips broadened into a smile.
i linked my arms around his neck and looked at his eyes.
'Really? You will??'
'Yeah? wHy not? I'm a free thinker what.. it's easier for me.'
Even though it wasn't true that Christians must marry Christians, i couldn't help but keep smiling at his gesture-going to church for me. And that he was having a wrong motive for going to church. lol.
'Darling,' i explained, 'You can't just go to church for the sake of being a christian to marry me. It's more than that.'
Still it was plain sweet. =]

i told my mom about the conversation mid way while she & i were having a debate about christianity. So, we were actually pretty tense at that point. BLurting to mom about keith's intention made her laugh, like really abruptly. 'No you don't have to be a christian to marry one,' she smiled.

Okay, back to our debate.
She was asking me why i wasn't going back to church anymore, and i was trying to explain to her about why i think Christianity isn't so fantastic after all. I could tell that she agreed with me slightly about my arguements, she jst didn't want to admit it.

I told her i lost faith in God.
Sure I believe there is definitely some sort of higher authority somewhere.
Humans evolving from apes make quite a lot of sense too, since these apes REALLY resemble us.
But even so, SOMETHING must have made these apes appear, whether it is that small cell that God had *tinged on earth to start everything going or whatever.
So as i was saying, i lost faith in Him.

Mom said something about people running to God to worship him only when they're in need of it; when they're sick, dying, troubled.

Well, I worshipped Him(then), sick or not. But nothing happened even when I prayed. Thing is, i don't see the difference between me being a Christian or not. My grades remain the same whether i pray or not. What does that tell me? It implies that your grades rely on your hardwork and not God's magic powers to *ting and make ur script turn flawless. Okay, perhaps He gives you strength while u study unknowingly. I'm not sure. I just don't see anything different. So what's the point?

Sure, you can make me go to church, but when i reach there, my mind wanders off and i think of everything but God. That's so hypocritical that i feel like crap. So superficial.

Right. And God's concept of sending everyone down to earth and make them worship him, and those who fail to shall go to the hellest of hells. like What the HEll.
THat's like really mean? Why send everyone down when we can just be happy where we were then?
Mom said Men wanted Freedom, wanted to be happy.

Whatever for?? just send Adam down to earth, and MAKE him listen to God. Every SINGLE COMMAND. Now then Adam wouldn't have to eat the forbidden fruit that Eve had given him. Then we'd ALL be living in the beautiful Eden's Garden happily ever after. Was God too bored? Did he want something to entertain him??
Then no one would have to sin, and no one would have to go to Hell. He was the one who said he doesn't want anybody to be sent to Hell.

Yes, I don't understand the Bible well. I don't understand why i am here sitting in earth.
I don't want to care anymore. I just want to enjoy whatever i have in front of me. Enjoy the fruits of my labour of school work. Earn $$. Spend it. Buy whatver i want. Enjoy my life with the people i love dearly.
That it shall be.

Actions speak louder than words, perhaps if God wanted to be heard and believed in, He should do something. So everyone can believe, and not doubt his existence. And then, more people would go to Heaven. Now won't that be good?

i am a female.

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City's breakin' down on a camel's back.
They just have to go 'cuz they dont know whack
So all of you fill the streets it's appealing to see.
You wont get out the county, 'cos you're bad and free
You've got a new horizon it's federal style.
A melancholy town where we never smile
And all I wanna hear is the message beep.
My dreams, they gotta kissing, 'cuz I don’t get sleep, no.

*BEEP* Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand.
Take it all in on your stride.
It is sinking, falling down.
Love forever love is free.
Time forever,you and me.
Windmill,windmill for the land.
Is everybody in




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